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Authentic Relationships

I'm wondering how all of you out there seek authentic relationships with others?  I long to have close and meaningful friendships, but somehow I miss the mark.  I know that it is harder when you're in your late 20's and 30's but it can't be impossible.  Don't get me wrong I have friends, but I don't have anyone I wish to gab with on the phone until all hours of the night or am dying to see.  I long for this kind of relationship.   I don't really go to church right now, I can't find the right community to click with. Any suggestions?  I have endless hours now and I'm not depressed but want to feel hopeful with some connection to humanity.

Update

After being abused verbally by customers over the phone for over a year, I gave my notice this past Friday.  This was a few weeks earlier than Nate and I had planned, but it was at his suggestion.  Being beat up all day over the phone is making me hate people, and I don't like it.  I'm not looking for another job.  I intend to stay home.  What  I will do to fill my days I'm not exactly sure - but I *am* sure that I will think of something.  I told a co-worker who is probably about 20yrs older than I am and someone who I consider a friend.  She just stood up and hugged me and said "I am so proud of you".  Tears came to her eyes and without the words, I knew all that she meant to say.

We have been trying once a month cooking where you freeze entrees that you make to free up more of your time.  You start off slow, and so I am trying to unfreeze some of the meals I made this week.  I did this deliberately, b/c I knew it would be warm this weekend and we wanted time to celebrate my almost freedom.  Saturday we walked around Bearskin Neck in Rockport, MA which is an old New England Village.  We spent a few hours there soaking up the sun.  My husband which I affectionately refer to as "my dark cloud" to counterbalance his term for me, "my bright sun." did better than I expected.  He prefers cooler, darker days with little noise (while I don't).  It does seem as if my fondness for the sea is rubbing off on him.  We stopped later at a restaurant called Lobsta Land and had the best coconut battered shrimp ever!

This morning, we went to the UU church in Concord and saw Nick Page.  He is a song leader who is funny, inspiring, and spiritually alive!  I've seen him many times and was part of his chorus "The Mystic Chorale".  He never ceases to amaze me. 

After church we washed clothes together, I fixed my cats water fountain, and then we grilled out and had bratworst and macaroni salad.  I sat on the porch and read for a while as my husband went in to sleep for his upcoming shift at work.  I feel cleansed and alive this weekend with promises of good things to come :=)

Miscarriage

After my bout of food poisoning last week, I decided I was well enough to go to work last Thurs.  At work, I started to bleed and did not stop.  I phoned my midwife.  She told me to prepare for the fact that I might have a miscarriage, but there was nothing definitive yet.  She said I could wait it out, come in to get my blood drawn the next day, or they could do an ultra sound the next day.  I called again as my symptoms were progressing - this was after 5pm.  She said she thought I was having a miscarriage.  I started to cry.  Logged off my phone at work and was trying to process it all.  I told the woman in front of me to go get my supervisor.  There was suddenly a few people around me and my supervisor said I should go home if I could drive and to let her know what was going on.

I told my husband he should probably go to work, as I'd rather him be with me for the appoinments the following day.  I decided to go with having my blood drawn, as I wasn't convinced the ultrasound tech would be super compassionate.  They had my pregnancy hormone level drawn from my visit the week before.  I also had to have a RhoGAM shot as I am RH negative and the midwife said the baby's blood would probably be foreign to me and I would create antibodies against it.  We found out late yesterday afternoon that my pregnancy hormone dropped to 50%.  She needs a follow up visit to make sure it goes down to zero.

I have been devastated for the past 4 days.  But need to have hope that God wants better things for me.

Sick

I have been really sick since Sat morning.  We went out for breakfast at Panera and then ran a few errands.  I did a few things at the house and found myself laying on the couch not able to move.  I told Nate that I wasn't going to be able to do much that day.  He understood.  I really thought morning sickness had decided to kick in.  I couldn't hold anything down.  Not even a 1/2 a glass of water.  He decided to do some some research and found out that at 7 weeks the progesterone really kicks in so the hormones are really kicked in and everything is all out of whack.  Awesome.  I was in pain, couldn't really sleep for very long without running to the bathroom.  I also cried about 2-3x during the day which for me is not normal, hormones or not.  My husband works a 11-7 shift at night so hadn't really had much sleep at all (maybe a few hours) and was trying to take care of me.  Finally at midnight he called the nurses's hotline.  He thought it was ridicoulus that I wasn't able to hold anything down.

We showed up at the an ER a litlte before 1AM.  The doctor immediately ruled out morning sickness and said it sounded more like food poisoning or a virus.  After about 5 hours of iv's and blood tests, he declared that I hit "starvation mode".  He stated that in this mode, the baby would only be able to live off of what was in my stored fat cells - which is essentially the toxins in your body.  He insisted on only drinking sugary fluids for a few days because at least the sugar would be enough nutrition for a little while.  Luckily, when I first got there, he gave me an anti nausea pill to dissolve in my mouth which worked. 

While I don't have the nausea, I sitll have the diarreha.  I was supposed to call for a follow up appointment today with my primary care physician.  She is unable to see me until tomorrow.  I called out from work and will have to do so tomorrow (if I'm still running to the bathroom every hour).  Tomorrow will make the fifth time since the beginning of the year - Ouch!!  I am never out that much and feel really terrible, but my health is more important I suppose.  I know I have rights under the FMLA, but I don't think that goes into effect until next month - after I've been there for a year. To look on the bright side, I guess it is only 3 weeks.

Right now Nate is groaning and grumbling with pain too.  The symptoms seemed to have caught up to him today.  He said he's not going into work tonight.  But had me call alot of doctors since he doesn't have a primary.  Apparantly, he could get fired for not having a doctor's not for calling out of work - stupid unions!!  I have him registered through one, and if he doesn't feel better by tomorrow, he can be seen in the afternoon.  So tomorrow will be booked with all of our appointments.

Baby

Hey All,  I just wanted to share my good news - I'm 7 weeks pregnant!!  My due date is Oct 10, 2009 (same month as when I got married).  I don't have much more to say yet as it's still so new.  I wanted to try to keep it a secret until 12 weeks but I'm far too excited. 

So far, I've been very lucky.  No vomiting or nausea.  A little queasy the first few weeks, but now I'm fine.  I'm mostly just tired and have cold like symptoms (but I think that's everyone right now).  Also, I seem to have short term memory.  I feel a little flaky which is a little unsettling to me.

I had my first appointment with my midwife tonight.  I need to come back in one month for the blood work.  She tried to take it tonight and it went good for a while and just ran dry.  I guess that is normal early on as it's good to keep the blood in for the baby.  She recommended elberry extract for the cold/immune symptoms.  She also gave me "The Natural Pregnancy Book" as part of the lend out library because of my food/herb concerns.

I'm off to go read!

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g) in return, you must post this on your own lj.

My Take On The Next Four Years

I have not been even remotely excited about the "two major party" choices for candidates in years.  I believe the last 3 terms I have chosen a 3rd party presidential candidate.  Given that Here's what I envision for whats to come:

1.  The war will not end.  Which one you ask?  Any of them.  Our soldiers will remain in  Iraq and Afghanistan.  They may even take a side step into Iran as president elect Obama has not taken that off the table. The  Dems have controlled both houses Congress and have and they haven’t so muchas proposed a bill to take away funding for these illegal wars, nor voted to end them.

  2. The economy will get much, much worse. Neither the democrats nor republicans have any idea what’s causing the current recession. They are hopeless Keynesians who believe that all they need to do is spend money and the economy will magically revive itself. Ironically enough, they throw in token monetarism, too, and talk about how they need to keep interest rates low…for liquidity. Apparently there aren’t enough dollars out there on the market. Sorry, guys, that’s not the issue. So, they will introduce a whole lot more government programs we can’t afford. They won’t increase taxes on anyone but big business and “the rich,” so the national debt will get worse.

3. The dollar will die. I don’t predict hyperinflation, but I know of people who have. At least there will be 20% inflation. With the money-printing presses running full speed to come up with $1 Trillion for the bailout they passed, combined with low interest rates. If the Fed wants to increase the amount of money on the market, it can do two things: sell T-bills and lower interest rates) will flood the market with dollars. If you want to prevent this, start burning cash. But wait, you can’t. That’s illegal.

4. Likely nationalization of health care and state universities.  With 2/3rds of every health care dollar already spent by the federal government, they might as well just go ahead and spend the other 1/3rd. I mean, come on, who cares? At least then people would stop blaming the free-market for making health care so expensive. Trust me, we left free market medicine in the dust years ago.

5. National Service. Obama has come out for this. For some reason, he thinks it’s a good idea. Ironically enough, the US would get national service after many countries (like Germany, for example) have made theirs optional. I care about this because I sure as hell don’t  want any future sons I may have pressed into two years of mandatory slavery.

6. The War on Drugs will continue, unabated. I don’t see any reductions in penalties or even the decriminalization of marijuana on a national level.

There are probably other things that I could predict. But to be fair, things would still be bad even if McCain had been elected president. The Dems still would have controlled both houses by a good margin and I doubt McCain would have stood much in there way. When’s the last time he actually stood up for freedom and free markets? Knowing that others believed we actually had a choice in this election makes me wonder if I'm the one with delusive faith or they are.

I had a dream Friday night that I wanted to expatriate.  I wonder why?



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Back from the Honeymoon

St Lucia was a gorgeous island to visit.  Mostly we stayed at the resort and our biggest contemplations were, what kind of drinks to get, which pool to swim in, and ocean - or pool.  Often we hung out in the lounge chairs in the grass but swam in the ocean.  This was the warmest water I've been in yet.  We liked the resort enough - more kids than we anticipated though.  There was not alot of advertising that there would be many kids there.  But with unknown islands- travel guides aren't up to date.  We found out from a cab driver that if they were British kids, they were probably on a fall break.  British kids are awful in my opinion, I think they are brought up so reserved that they rebel the second they get a chance.  Anyway, I'd do it again in a heartbeat, maybe just a different resort.

It was nice having the whole week with Nate.  Now we are back to barely seeing each other since he works nights.  We're back to responsibilities and too much work to do.  Bah, I want to go back to the Carribean.

Wedding Day!!

I'm getting married on Saturday and I can't wait.  I can hardly believe I have the fortunate luck of spending the rest of my life with my best friend :)  We will be leaving very early on Sunday morning to go to St Lucia (eastern Carribean) for a week.

Yay!

Customer Service Appreciation Week

This week is customer service appreciation week at work and for a change, I might actually not mind being at work :-)  It sounds like a lot of food like things (free lunch, breakfast, ie).  They waved our last "occurence" which I think means, our last day off unplanned will go back into PTO hours.  There will be nominations, a spirit day, prizes, etc.  One of the last days is a surprise.  I'm actually kind of excited.  I kind of wish they'd send the phones for an entire day - but I really doubt that would happen, lol.